It is very humbling to read stories from peoples lives. Each soul has a journey of their own. And to learn from one another, as I said when I kicked off this month of LOVE, is the ultimate in humanity. Enter guest blogger month author #6. Alex is a multi faceted individual. A mom and therapist, a blogger and truth teller. But one thing is definite, she is powerful. We should all be taking notes! Her LOVE story is a symbolic of bamboo. It bends but doesn’t break!
Persistence & Self-Love Changed My World.
I am having one of those hard to come by mornings, where most things in my life make perfect sense and I feel an extraordinary sense of contentedness. Believe you me after all that I have been through over the past few years this way of being is hard to come by, but yet, so very, very welcomed.
I have always been a believer in persistence. You fall down. You get back up. You fail. You try again. You get rejected, you put yourself back together. And so on.
Being the mother of an almost 16 yr old son, it is the one thing that I strive to teach him the most, and everyone knows that the best way to teach our young is to lead by example. Monkey see, monkey do kind of way.
I have had my fair share of knocks over the years. Who among us has not?
Broken heart. Broken home. Broken job. Broken promises. Broken health. You catch my drift. Some of these were easy to get up from and some, well, not so much. Some of them rendered me glued to the floor for periods longer than I would have liked but that is the way disappointments go. Some are easier to climb back from than others but climb back you must. Climbing back is what gives you the strength, purpose and practice that you need to do it again when the floor comes back up and hits you in the face. And it always will.
My career has been one of those “knock me on the floor”, kind of journeys. It took me years and well into my 30’s to figure out what it was I wished to do. I figured it out, went back to college, got my job and began to do it well. I got sick, was taken out of the game for 18 months and upon return I realised that where I was working was not where I wanted to be anymore. I had learned what I needed to learn and was desperate to find a new challenge and to become better at what I have chosen to do.
So, I set out to find a new place of work. Over the last 2 years, and after many failed interviews this has taken me to my most favourite of all jobs. Not even in my greatest imagination could I have imagined how perfect this one would be and it makes me happy, in my soul. The ability to keep persisting and getting up off the floor brought this to me and I am grateful.
A few months ago I suffered the worst kind of knock. The kind of knock that rendered me paralysed, unable to move a muscle, let alone drag myself off of any floor. I was engaged to be married and then I was not. My heart broke and all the love I had for him spilled out of me until there was nothing left. It was the hardest of times, the saddest of times and I stayed stuck to the floor for weeks on end not knowing or caring how to stand up. Love is bright and shiny and full of hope and also it is dark and twisty and full of despair. My darkness came along with my despair and I got lost in it for a while. Sometimes getting lost is OK. Sometimes getting lost is needed, and then when it is time love comes to take it’s place. Not a new romantic love. Not yet. The love that picked me back off the floor was son love and self love, two of the best kinds.
I love my son fiercely, I always will. It’s the die for him kind of love that all parents have and it has healed me in ways I cannot possibly describe. Self-love? Let’s just say that this has been a much slower process, a slow burner, if you will. I didn’t always love myself. I equated self-love to the amount of love I received from someone else and this sucked the life out of my relationships as they were never enough. It took being a single Mum, having cancer, training to be a therapist and my last relationship to teach me that the love I sought was inside of me all along, kind of like Dorothy when she realised she had the ability to go home just by clicking her heels. That’s what all of these experiences and people gave to me and I will always love them for that.
Self-love is a funny thing. With it comes much responsibility. Self-love can deepen relationships or it can tear them apart. The latter is my journey. It would not be my journey of choice but most life changing experiences rarely come without a price. Never before have I loved myself first, and now that I chose myself I have no idea what comes next! Maybe now it is time for the persistence to take over for a while. The persistence that got me back up off the floor. Persistence and Self-love.The two go together like peanut butter and chocolate, like Tiffany and shoes.
This persistence that has quite literally saved my life at times. It is why I am sitting here today, feeling the way that I do. It is why my ability to love myself has grown and it is another piece of my puzzle firmly in place. I am proud of myself for having the courage and strength to peel myself back up off the floor and am hoping so very much that my son has noticed me doing it, because a greater lesson I cannot teach him.
It is time now more than ever to be the love that I seek. For the first time in my life I have the sense of what this means to me, what it looks like, what it is not. I must keep persisting. I must keep getting back up off the floor because that’s the best thing about love. It is always worth the effort. Never give up on that.
Twitter = @AlexinCork
Intsagram = @alexincork
Snapchat = happybeingme70
Bio : I am Alex, single Mum to a 15 yr old boy who knows he is my favourite child. I used to have cancer and now I don’t. People’s ability to change is my passion and my work. I dig deep, it’s how I survive. Most days I am happy being me. It took me a while to get here. I laugh, I love, I sometimes cry but I do it well. x
Thank you Alex for being a friend, for all you to do help others and for sharing your LOVE story! Self love is most important isn’t it? Like how on an airplane they say in the safety announcement “should there be a change in cabin pressure put YOUR oxygen mask on first before assisting others.” Sometimes we need that reminder!
P.S. If you’d like an opportunity to share your LOVE story here on Yankee Doodle Paddy during guest blogger month, get in touch! Leave a comment or send an email at: firstname.lastname@example.org