Issues. We all have them. It is just part of life. But in today’s day and age, if you look at social media most people seem to be perfect, la dee da, no issues at all! Which then has the potential to make you feel like crap thinking to yourself, how come they are so lucky and I’m dealing with this situation. Well, I want to share something personal with you and it might be enlightening.
First of all, social media only gives a one-dimensional, brief snapshot which doesn’t show the whole picture. Often these photos are perfectly curated to create an image. And unless you know the individual personally or they reveal what’s “behind the curtain” you base your judgements on what you see. That is why though I enjoy Instagram, Twitter and Facebook, Snapchat seems to be the one platform where someone watching might get more insight into the snapper.
Hubby and I are married nearly ten years. I shared a post last year for our ninth anniversary and it still makes me emotional. He is my best friend, soul mate, and cheerleader. But let me state for the record: Our relationship has issues. Remember nothing in this life is perfect. And while it makes me smile when people say nice things like #couplegoals or #perfectcouple on my Instagram or Snapchat posts, you need to know the truth. Otherwise people might see us and then compare it to their own relationship.
A couple of months ago I wrote a response to a social media influencer’s pointed youtube rant about positive people needing to eff off. You can read the whole post if you’d like . But basically I said that positive and negative actually need each other. But most importantly we need to tell our story, or else others will create a story about us that serves their own narrative. I’ve been telling my story through this blog and encourage others to do the same. And today is just another chapter of the story.
That being said, our marriage isn’t perfect for many reasons. I am okay with that. Because it is perfectly right for us. We came into it with our own set of baggage. Mine might have been a bit heavier because I was divorced with two adult kids. But regardless, it has more to do with our day-to-day personalities and quirks that create issues. A major one which I will share today is that I am food focused and hubby is not.
May not sound like a big deal, but for hubby food is only an afterthought, just some fuel to get him by. Me on the other hand, I am thinking about my next meal before I have even finished the one I am consuming. My head is working 24/7 on meal planning, recipe creations and supper club menus. Food is my friend, my passion, my life and my work. On a pure basic level, I am kind of like our dog Stella, who is completely motivated by food, her joy in life.
Some men might be delighted their wife has a hot gourmet meal waiting for them when they walk in the door. While hubby is always appreciative of the effort and he is my number one fan, he is also saying in the next sentence, “Hey Hun can we just have peanuts and a glass of wine for dinner tomorrow night.”
My food focus is always an issue when we travel. I need to eat often and well. Not great quantity, and not expensive, but good, real and healthy food. A super-saver-happy- meal-super-sized-drive-thru won’t cut it! I do like my sweet treats, but if I don’t have protein and some veg omg hangry isn’t even the word! Before kids I used to be able to go a whole day without eating. Then I had gestational diabetes both times during my pregnancies and ever since then my blood sugar levels can’t cope without food.
We’ve learned to compromise. He put a note in his book to “make sure Karen is fed” and I will oblige the occasional “peanuts and glass of wine” dinner. But the issue still lingers. And because I am ultra sensitive, certain comments he makes can really hurt. Hubby likes to make fun of me and my obsession with food. Sometimes I laugh it off. But the other night he commented on how much I am like our dog Stella and that I just live each day for my next meal. Cue inner tears.
I had a teacher who used to tell the class, “Never complain, never explain.” I would add to that list, “never blame” as well. I must say I am not a complainer, but I would definitely fall into the explain category. And here is where I will exemplify that for you with a little explanation of why I am so food focused.
In one of my early blog posts called “Spaghetti Sticks and mayonnaise” I share a sobering story. You can click here if you’d like a read. But I retell the time as a five year old that I had to created my first menu with what were the only things in the house to eat, spaghetti sticks and mayonnaise. It was a defining moment for me without realizing it. I have shared other posts about what it was like growing up hungry, getting food from food banks, free lunches at school and government issued food stamps for trips to the grocery store. Which is why when I don’t have food, it must trigger some core memory of hunger that isn’t pleasant. The worst day in recent times was when I had to prepare for a medical test.
While I am not starving anymore thank God, my issue, coupled with Hubby’s issue, creates a common recurring theme. At its smallest it is a comment which could be taken the wrong way. Or it’s an annoyance about needing to stop during a long car journey for sustenance. At its largest, an argument about serving massive dinners every night. Not life threatening, but just one example of non perfection #couplegoals and that’s normal!
Some folks think that life is one issue after another. But in reality it is the same thing over and over again. Until we learn the lessons we need and move on from it. And then we meet another issue along the way yet to be resolved. Cuz everyone in life has issues. Don’t let that perfect Instagram post with all those cool hashtags fool you!
LOVE you and leave you, cuz it’s lunchtime!